class warfare, cthulhu, reality tv

November 25, 2008

the slumberer awakes from the underwater city!

a billion rejoicing new cases of psychosis turn their tinfoil helmets to the north.  is it HAARP?  is it the aliens? 

bill o’r’lyeh combs back his face tentacles and puts on his calvin coolidge mask for another episode.  the human gristle is loaded into the gaping orifice of the networks for one more peripatetic chug which births factories as it accelerates across the seas, floating factories where chemical engineers are busy at massive vats.  the chambers are sealed with twins and quadruplets seperated in a round with aging eugeneticists and their genetic intellectual kin.  a hole opens up in the tiled ceiling and a holographic plate drops through with perforated holes in its cylindrical perimeter.

the holographs whir into life, as a colorless gas emits from the baseplates.  a shape forms on the oblong mirror whirling faster than sight.  a tiny woman of eurasian descent, begins screaming about “HATERS” and “HATERATERS” and “LET YOUR HATERS BE YOUR MOTIVATORS” as she hazily outlines a cult of personality defining herself.

this young woman, of course, is being beamed in from her test tube in santa monica, california, where she has been audience tested.  the new method includes strapping electrodes to the prostate glands of heterosexual men in addition to measuring the saliva production and pupilary dilation of prepubescent girls.  it’s a foolproof method.  the only side effects are that it gradually reduces the viewer to an infantile state.  these side effects are welcome.

cthulhu began directly influencing the billionaire media congolmerates through dreams and toxins that he excreted into the pacific ocean.  untestable because they are unknown quantities of exotic proteins, they work their way into the human biomass through sushi.  soon after this started happening, there was a revolution in focus groups.  the masters began hypothesizing that they could predict the infantile state and create a test audience in a test tube, and then feed the subjects to each other when they got too old.

those are the twins and quadruplets.  their brains become soiled and too easy from being barraged with this information, so they are only good for a few minutes of unadulterated viewing.  the average american tv watcher is soiled beyond repair.  you give them the right cues, and they will buy guns to shoot their mothers.  this would be quite handy, except that capital always needs NEW markets, new ways to persuade the last heating, rent, and food money out of the consumer.  the husk of humanity with its terrible dreams of wealth and love is then discarded.

so we switch course, switch tack, take a new approach.  drugs are added to the water supply, stars insipid beyond a retarded lemur are chewed up, spit onto reality shows, and then retired to communities where they can drink and eventually start car dealerships or kill themselves. 

cthulhu has recently begun union organizing these enclaves of discarded celebutantes.  he has been making them dream of fires and burning men in suits and labcoats.  his wrath is perfect and poetic.   the political commentators who notice these trends are also fed to the masses as specials on meat at costco.  they holler and whip their constituents into a frenzy, which logically leads to their own consumption.  every commentator knows this, and has sidled up to the dread lord of insanity hoping for a seat at the throne.


4 Responses to “class warfare, cthulhu, reality tv”

  1. Gregg Says:

    i will settle for an inoculation against the poison. antidote!!!

  2. TSGolden Says:

    This screams to be spoken word performance art. I hear the tone in my head, this would be great in a video (vlog) on youtube. Of course the collective IQ on youtube is far below retarded… so the random audience might go cross-eyed and complain you are not talking about Miley or the Jonas Brothers. Where’s the bubble-gum pop?!

  3. Gregg Says:

    I think it should be a campaign setting for D20 modern.

  4. astronymous Says:


    i want a game module

    write me in like diogenes

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