reality tv of the future pt1

November 29, 2008

reality tv is perhaps the most perfect entertainment that could ever be devised.  the plots approach shakespeare in their terrible momentum.  alcohol greases the bearings of these shuddering human engines, swinging like pendulum from surly drunk to remorseful hangover.  the chemical cocktail of hormones, seratonin, and booze boils over in the vein, finding enemy upon enemy in the closest surroundings.  violence and sex are a thin sod over the fiery mantle of pure human will that lies beneath.  these people would eat each other and rape the others with their sun-bleached bones.  you and i would, too.

poverty becomes the perfect feast for the insatiable pack of starved wolverines that is the ideal reality tv audience.  promises of wardrobe, free alcohol, fame, and suprisingly small amounts of money nonwithstanding, these shows are simply offering a place to live and be yourself to the willing.  more than these understandable physiological and psychological needs, they offer something that used to be achievable only through years of internal reflection and painfully slow stages of self-awareness. they offer nothing less than becoming totally self-actualized.  you show up joe dipshit and exit joe2.0, joe-for-the-future.  joe-as-seen-on-motherfucking-tv-motherfucker.  you will drink and fuck for free for the rest of your life.  you will be famous.  you will be adored.

eventually, poverty will be seen as the crime it truly is, and the impoverished will be gathered and screened for their inherent entertainability.  the best ones will be set upon each other naked in a beautiful house with oversized beanbags and neon exclamation points, with a billion dollars of alcohol, cocaine, protein, and meth. the naked drunkards will be branded and tagged, attached to one another with leg irons like a modern chain gang, and carted around from bar to concert in hummer limos.  they will be exempt from every law, given weapons, sterilized and given full constitutional rights to rape, eat, and murder anyone they want.  perhaps one of these scandalous bitches ‘accidentally’ catches an axe to the face from another member of the crew.  no problem, the other members will simply have to drag the rotting corpse from red carpet to car show in penitence for their shame.  a real moral to the story.

these shows will have names like ‘darwin’s posse’ and ‘da gizzang’.

the angry constant eye of my tv already feels lonely for the future.  it remembers the recent, dismal past of talk show and documentary.  it looks at the pathetic shadow of the present- where normal folk drink and date, maybe pull each other’s hair a little and scream.  it drools on its haunches for a time when people will pull the spanish tiles up out of their multi-million dollar network-supplied bathroom suites to brain their chain-mate for using their mascara without asking.  i wait with it.  i’m working on picking out the right 5 dollar california shiraz to drink over a meal of strip-steak and murder.

i’m moving to hollywood.  it won’t be a big move, since i already live in sherman oaks.


One Response to “reality tv of the future pt1”

  1. T. Golden Says:

    Hollywood is sketchy. Reality TV is the worst crack out there. I wish that Pandora’s Box was never smashed open; it will never be closed and we all will be dominated by it for time indefinite. It is the vortex of lost souls. Youtube is on-demand, reality documentary smut. I wish you were the censor… meaning everything gets through. This was a dark mother fucking blog.

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